Who's in Charge?

Who’s in Charge?

There is much confusion regarding the topic of ‘authority’.  Our culture dislikes being under authority but also dislikes the responsibility to exercise authority. Today we discuss the Bible’s instruction to parents concerning who is in charge in the home.
Should parents exercise the role of authority because they are smarter, more experienced? Do we rule on the basis of absolutes and principles of wisdom from the Bible or on the basis of the situation? 
Our culture rebels against the idea that rational, thinking, intelligent humans should willingly put themselves under the authority of another person.  We mistakenly believe that freedom is found in autonomy or self-rule.  However, true freedom is found in obedience.
Psalm 119 verses 44 to 45 states: “I will keep on obeying your instructions forever and ever I will walk in freedom, for I have devoted myself to your commandments.”

The Bible teaches that parents are called to be the agents of God to care for, nurture, correct and discipline children according to what pleases God.
Look with me at these Scriptures. In Genesis 18 verse 19 A, God instructs Abraham.. “For I have chosen him, so that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD by doing righteousness and justice,”
We see this does not allow Abraham to choose his own plan for how to raise his children. Abraham is to bring up his children in the fear and the admonition of the LORD. Look now at Deuteronomy chapter six verses one, two and seven.  "Now this is the commandment, the statutes and the judgments which the LORD your God has commanded me to teach you, that you might do them in the land where you are going over to possess it, so that you and your son and your grandson might fear the LORD your God, to keep all His statutes and His commandments which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be prolonged.  "You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.

Last we consider Ephesians chapter six verse four; Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Thus, the parent and the child are BOTH under God’s authority. We have different roles, but the same Master. What does this look like?  If you as a parent discipline your child in unholy anger, angry because you are not getting what you want from your child, you need to ask forgiveness.

There is no place for anger in discipline.  The Apostle James makes this very clear.  James 1:19-20 says, 

This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

Behavior changes as a result of parental anger do NOT move a child in the direction of God.  Rather, the child moves in the direction of the heart idolatry of the fear of man.

When a child disobeys you, it is God he disobeys. When a child fails to honor his parents, it is God he fails to honor.  If your child needs the correction of a spanking, you, as the father, communicate that the reason you must spank is that this is your act of obedience to God.  You are not spanking because you are angry, mean, or wish he had never been born.  You are not in a contest of wills to see who is the strongest.  You are under God’s authority.

The child learns to accept correction, not from perfect parents, but with the understanding that God says the rod of correction imparts wisdom and whoever heeds correction shows prudence. Read Proverbs 15 verse 5 and chapter 29 verse 15.  A good verse for all of us is Proverbs 15 verse 32. “He who neglects discipline despises himself, But he who listens to reproof acquires understanding.”

Let’s explore this word “discipline”.  We want to make it clear this is not revenge or punishment.  Discipline is an expression of LOVE.  Look at these Scriptures.  Proverbs 3 verse 12, “…the LORD disciplines those He loves , as a father the son He delights in.” Proverbs 13 verse 24, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him”  Revelation 3 verse 19, “Those whom I love, I rebuke and discipline.”  And of course in Hebrews 12 we see the goal of discipline.

“You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin; and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,

"MY SON, DO NOT REGARD LIGHTLY THE DISCIPLINE OF THE LORD,

NOR FAINT WHEN YOU ARE REPROVED BY HIM;

FOR THOSE WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLINES,

AND HE SCOURGES EVERY SON WHOM HE RECEIVES."

It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines usour good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.” [verses four through eleven].

This type of discipline requires us to be very humble.  We must see ourselves, sinners as we are, as God’s agents to bring about circumstances whereby a child eventually glorifies God by submitting to the Father in deep contrition and repentance of heart, acknowledging the need for the cleansing power found only in the shed blood of Jesus Christ.

The issues of correction are issues of character needed to truly honor God.  God is not impressed or pleased with those who honor with their lips but the heart is far from God.  Godly discipline will move you toward your child, not against them.  Yes, there must be consequences for wrong behavior, but the following is NOT appropriate as a form of discipline.

·       Telling your child, I am fed up with you.  I will yell at you, hit you or otherwise make sure you never forget this incident.

·       Shaming your child with verbal comments of the child’s stupidity or worthlessness

·       Isolation of the child insisting the child sit there until he figures out what he did wrong

·       Negative comparison of the child with a sibling or relative or even yourself,

Next post we will consider what are appropriate parental goals as revealed in the Bible.