Relationships: Love, Communication and Purpose

Perhaps you are like me and have known someone who has a child suffering from the condition of autism, or an elderly person who has Alzheimer Disease.  One of the saddest parts of these conditions is the person is unable to communicate with others in a mutually satisfying way.

Today we want to talk about some ideas presented in the book by Tedd Tripp called Instructing a Child’s Heart. 
The growing child soon experiences circumstances where there is the temptation to do wrong things and the resulting guilt and consequences of failure to resist temptation.  Or perhaps your child will have experienced pain as a result of others who are unkind and selfish, or the loss of a loved one and the resulting sense of hopeless despair.

Let’s look at Colossians 2:9-10a to see what the Bible says about God’s solution for our problems relationally in life.  “For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form,  and in Him you have been made complete.” NASB.

Colossians here is talking about the fact that all we need is found IN Christ Jesus.  In spite of the difficult circumstances in life and the sins of others against us and our own sinful ways, Christ is all we need.  We stand complete in Him.
But how can I say this? We live in a world with cancer, child abuse, sexual trafficking, murder, adultery, autism, Alzheimer, AIDS and whatever else is the ugly side of life.

Everyone wants to ‘belong’.  We are relational beings. How so? Can our belonging needs be met in Christ? Did relationships begin at creation?  NO.  

 Before creation God, the Father, God the Eternal Son, and God the Holy Spirit lived in a relationship of love, communication and purpose.   

God has never been lonely. God did not need to belong to us.  God did not need man to relate to.  However, we need God!  We belong to God by creation. We are His, made BY and FOR Him.   God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him.  Let’s look at one passage in the Bible that talks about the relational aspect of God.  Ephesians 1 verses 1 through 13 we see God the Father choosing us before the foundation of the world, to be holy and blameless in Jesus Christ; predestining us to adoption as His children; the redemption through the blood of Jesus Christ; the seal of our salvation and inheritance through the Holy Spirit as God’s own possession. So we see the Father chooses [love], the Son redeems [purpose] and the Spirit seals [communication].  Genesis 1;26,27 shows that man’s original relationship with God mirrors those same elements: love, communication and purpose.  Man needs relationship because he was made in the image of God.

The Gospel is relational.  Holy God, Sinful Man, Substitutionary Sacrificial Lamb of God Who died and was resurrected to life, Man’s response of repentance and trust.  Restored Relationship.  We call it reconciliation. 
Look at these words from 2 Corinthians 5:14-21 NASB
For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; 15 and He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.

16 Therefore from now on we recognize no one according to the flesh; even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him in this way no longer. 17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 18 Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, 19 namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.

20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God. 21 He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

  Notice that it is through reconciliation to God that man finds his true identity.  We no longer live for ourselves.  Our belonging needs are met in Christ.  We become as Christ, reaching out in love and mercy to our enemies and sharing with them the Good News. Ironically, Jesus teaches that to find our lives, we must lose our lives for the sake of His Kingdom.  The Kingdom of God is within you [Luke 17:21] is true only for the person who is born again of the Spirit of God and has a new heart. 
Keep reaching your child’s heart with the gospel. 

A Life of Communication

A Life of Communication

     Life is not static.  Life is dynamic. What do I mean by this? Simply that things change.  Time is under the sovereignty of God the same as all of creation.  Communication is also meant to be a lifestyle and not an event.  Let’s explore what this looks like in discipling children. 
     Rules, Correction and Discipline.  Do these three things constitute the total of your communication with your children? You set up rules.  The child breaks the rule.  You decide what consequence is involved [if any] in breaking the rule. 

    Let’s explore eight more aspects of communication that are needed in Shepherding a Child’s Heart.  My thanks to Tedd Tripp, author of books on child training for the following thoughts.

     Be aware that it is important to know which type of communication is appropriate for which situation you encounter.  1 Thessalonians 5:14 NASB states: We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly [undisciplined], encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.”

Encouragement:  Your child comes to you and knows he has once again lost his temper and offended his friends.  He is very discouraged.  Is this the time for a rebuke? Instruction? NO.  The child needs to know that Christ came to those who are of a contrite and brokenhearted knowing they are unable to change themselves.  Point them toward the courage, hope and inspiration to walk on in times of hopeless despair.  Use Psalms such as Psalm 42.  Perhaps at a later time the anger issue can be discussed.
Correction:  Correction holds up the standard of God’s Word to bring about a needed change of some deed or attitude that is wrong. Along with identifying God’s standard [which as been broken] use Scripture to show what is needed. Example: If your child is complaining, probe the heart by asking “Does your attitude demonstrate thankfulness and contentment?” or “Rather than complaining, what can you be thankful for in this situation?” Use this Scripture as a means of ‘reproof’ “Do everything without complaining and arguing.” Philippians 2:14 NIV.  Encourage them with this positive Scripture. “It is God’s will that you be thankful and joyful in all circumstances.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV. Other verses you may want to read include Proverbs 17:22 and Colossians 3: 17, 23 NIV

Rebuke: A rebuke censors behavior.  The rebuke is needed for areas where other forms of communication are not effective.  If your child wishes another person dead or tells them, I hate you, or you are stupid, then a rebuke in which you tell the child you do not wish to ever hear them say these words again is appropriate.  Follow up with instruction, encouragement and prayer.

Entreaty: This is reserved for issues of great importance.  Proverbs 23:26 begins, “My son, give me your heart…” Often we leave it to society to train our children regarding moral purity.  This is tragic.  Often children need some support to do what they already know is right. When they are struggling in the area of moral purity, they should feel free to come to us and we will have answers from the Word of God.

Instruction: The Book of Proverbs supplies a goldmine of information giving understanding to your child about issues like fool, mocker, sluggard, diligent, and other character attributes.  This book not only instructs, it warns, it teaches practical lessons about how to achieve Biblical success. Fathers, read a Proverb each day with your sons and daughters.  Ask questions!

Warning: Warnings in life enable us to avoid catastrophe.  Experience is NOT the best teacher.  The principle of sowing and reaping is what we need to refer to in instructing our children.  Often children don’t anticipate the dangers ahead because they have no instruction regarding consequences of what may seem to them harmless behavior.  Warning is not yelling at your child.  Look for the teachable moments.  Again, read daily the Proverbs. Study the tongue. Study what is said about laziness vs diligence.  Friendship. Slander.  Deception.  You will find many opportunities in real life to relate the wisdom of Proverbs to today’s events.

Teaching: Teaching imparts knowledge.  Much teaching occurs before it is needed.  Your child learns reading, mathematics, life skills such as food preparation and home repairs.  However using Scripture teaches your child to understand himself, others, life, God’s revelation, the world and the relationship of man to God and the rest of God’s creation. The study of the Book of Genesis is a great place to impart knowledge. This book of beginnings lays the foundation for the rest of the Bible. I encourage the study of someone like Ken Ham’s teachings to teach your child about God and the beginning of mankind. 
http://www.answersingenesis.org/

Prayer: Pray with your child.  The reality of your relationship of trust and confidence in God will be obvious.  Listen to your child’s prayers.  Often this is a window to their souls.  Remember what is urgent or traumatic to a child is worthy of your undivided attention.  Teach your child the elements of prayer.  Adoration, Confession, Petition, Supplication, Intercession are all parts of prayer.  Prayer is not just repetitive words before a meal or bedtime.  Prayer is intimate communion with our Creator and our Father, if we are converted.  Even a child can pray a profound prayer.  Prayer reminds us that we are fallen creatures, the same as our children.

 Write me and ask questions about this important topic.  Poor communication is the root of many family problems.  Remember, communication has not occurred until the person is heard and understood.  Words as well as body language communicate.  Give your child undivided attention.  This is not the time to 'multi-task'.  Eye contact and your facial expressions as well as your voice communicate more than the content of your words.