A Life of Communication

A Life of Communication

     Life is not static.  Life is dynamic. What do I mean by this? Simply that things change.  Time is under the sovereignty of God the same as all of creation.  Communication is also meant to be a lifestyle and not an event.  Let’s explore what this looks like in discipling children. 
     Rules, Correction and Discipline.  Do these three things constitute the total of your communication with your children? You set up rules.  The child breaks the rule.  You decide what consequence is involved [if any] in breaking the rule. 

    Let’s explore eight more aspects of communication that are needed in Shepherding a Child’s Heart.  My thanks to Tedd Tripp, author of books on child training for the following thoughts.

     Be aware that it is important to know which type of communication is appropriate for which situation you encounter.  1 Thessalonians 5:14 NASB states: We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly [undisciplined], encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.”

Encouragement:  Your child comes to you and knows he has once again lost his temper and offended his friends.  He is very discouraged.  Is this the time for a rebuke? Instruction? NO.  The child needs to know that Christ came to those who are of a contrite and brokenhearted knowing they are unable to change themselves.  Point them toward the courage, hope and inspiration to walk on in times of hopeless despair.  Use Psalms such as Psalm 42.  Perhaps at a later time the anger issue can be discussed.
Correction:  Correction holds up the standard of God’s Word to bring about a needed change of some deed or attitude that is wrong. Along with identifying God’s standard [which as been broken] use Scripture to show what is needed. Example: If your child is complaining, probe the heart by asking “Does your attitude demonstrate thankfulness and contentment?” or “Rather than complaining, what can you be thankful for in this situation?” Use this Scripture as a means of ‘reproof’ “Do everything without complaining and arguing.” Philippians 2:14 NIV.  Encourage them with this positive Scripture. “It is God’s will that you be thankful and joyful in all circumstances.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NIV. Other verses you may want to read include Proverbs 17:22 and Colossians 3: 17, 23 NIV

Rebuke: A rebuke censors behavior.  The rebuke is needed for areas where other forms of communication are not effective.  If your child wishes another person dead or tells them, I hate you, or you are stupid, then a rebuke in which you tell the child you do not wish to ever hear them say these words again is appropriate.  Follow up with instruction, encouragement and prayer.

Entreaty: This is reserved for issues of great importance.  Proverbs 23:26 begins, “My son, give me your heart…” Often we leave it to society to train our children regarding moral purity.  This is tragic.  Often children need some support to do what they already know is right. When they are struggling in the area of moral purity, they should feel free to come to us and we will have answers from the Word of God.

Instruction: The Book of Proverbs supplies a goldmine of information giving understanding to your child about issues like fool, mocker, sluggard, diligent, and other character attributes.  This book not only instructs, it warns, it teaches practical lessons about how to achieve Biblical success. Fathers, read a Proverb each day with your sons and daughters.  Ask questions!

Warning: Warnings in life enable us to avoid catastrophe.  Experience is NOT the best teacher.  The principle of sowing and reaping is what we need to refer to in instructing our children.  Often children don’t anticipate the dangers ahead because they have no instruction regarding consequences of what may seem to them harmless behavior.  Warning is not yelling at your child.  Look for the teachable moments.  Again, read daily the Proverbs. Study the tongue. Study what is said about laziness vs diligence.  Friendship. Slander.  Deception.  You will find many opportunities in real life to relate the wisdom of Proverbs to today’s events.

Teaching: Teaching imparts knowledge.  Much teaching occurs before it is needed.  Your child learns reading, mathematics, life skills such as food preparation and home repairs.  However using Scripture teaches your child to understand himself, others, life, God’s revelation, the world and the relationship of man to God and the rest of God’s creation. The study of the Book of Genesis is a great place to impart knowledge. This book of beginnings lays the foundation for the rest of the Bible. I encourage the study of someone like Ken Ham’s teachings to teach your child about God and the beginning of mankind. 
http://www.answersingenesis.org/

Prayer: Pray with your child.  The reality of your relationship of trust and confidence in God will be obvious.  Listen to your child’s prayers.  Often this is a window to their souls.  Remember what is urgent or traumatic to a child is worthy of your undivided attention.  Teach your child the elements of prayer.  Adoration, Confession, Petition, Supplication, Intercession are all parts of prayer.  Prayer is not just repetitive words before a meal or bedtime.  Prayer is intimate communion with our Creator and our Father, if we are converted.  Even a child can pray a profound prayer.  Prayer reminds us that we are fallen creatures, the same as our children.

 Write me and ask questions about this important topic.  Poor communication is the root of many family problems.  Remember, communication has not occurred until the person is heard and understood.  Words as well as body language communicate.  Give your child undivided attention.  This is not the time to 'multi-task'.  Eye contact and your facial expressions as well as your voice communicate more than the content of your words.