Shaping influences in the Child's Life

Shaping Influences in the Child’s Life

Let’s look at two passages of Scripture that show the relationship of child to parent.  Ephesians chapter 6 verses one through four tell us, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  HONOR YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER (which is the first commandment with a promise), SO THAT IT MAY BE WELL WITH YOU, AND THAT YOU MAY LIVE LONG ON THE EARTH.  Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Colossians 3 verses 20 and 21 say, “Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.”
Both passages show that children can expect to receive parental direction regarding how to understand and obey what pleases God.  This instruction needs to occur in such a way that the child doesn’t rebel in hopeless despair believing that obedience and honoring God and parents is much too difficult.

Tedd Tripp identifies six shaping influences or life experiences of your child.  The person your child becomes is the product of these life experiences and how he interacts with those experiences.  A child responds according to the Godward orientation of his heart.  So you can see why the heart is very important.
Let’s look first at the shaping influences.

1. What is the nature of structure of the family?  Single parent? Divorced parents? Grandparents part of daily life? Are they believers or unconverted? If a father in the home, is he the one who is the final authority? Only child? Birth order? Personality of the child and how the child relates to siblings? The birth order of the parents and if either is an only child?

2.  Family values. Are the values of your home based on human tradition and the surrounding culture or on what the Bible teaches?  Are people more important than things?  Is a child disciplined more severely for breaking a cherished vase or for willful disobedience?  What is the relationship with neighbors?  Open or closed?  Blood relatives of the family? Do mother and the children keep secrets from daddy? Or vice versa?

3.  Family Roles.  How involved is the father in the home? If the children ask permission to do something, do they go to dad or mom? Do the children have regular responsibilities in the family?  Are they treated like slaves?  Are they spoiled and treated like emperors? Are boys preferred to girls? Do they learn by working alongside the other family members [including the parents] how to become a servant?

4. Family Conflict Resolution.  Do parents resolve conflict between themselves Biblically? Or do they just hope things will quiet down and avoid asking forgiveness and proper reconciliation? Do they use the dozen roses or candy or nice dinner approach?  Do either or both parents use anger to attempt to control things?  What about name calling? Slammed doors? Physical violence?  Abusive speech? The silent treatment? Words that belittle or condemn?

5. Family response to failure.  Children are awkward and immature.  Some things are learned only by first failing to master the skill.  When failure occurs, are children made to feel foolish? Mocked? A source of amusement and cruel laughter?  Is one child compared to another in the family who ‘always succeeded’? Does the child have the idea that they can NEVER please the parent, no matter how well they do?

Or does the parent offer words of encouragement, praise for all credible attempts to master something difficult, a story of when the parent struggled to succeed? In other words, are parents relational in a positive and encouraging way to motivate the child to persevere?

6. Family History.  When a man and a woman marry, they bring into the new family a blend of two very different histories. Consider the following; how many times did you move as a child? What was the stability of the family? Did you grow up with dire poverty and not enough food for each person? Was a family member sickly with a chronic disease? If so, how was this child treated? Were there many deaths in the family? Divorces? Alcohol or drug abuse? Gambling or other addictive behavior? Constant quarreling between the parents?

As a parent, you must provide the best shaping influences you can by the grace of God. However, your child is not passive.  If your child knows and loves God, he will respond in a positive way to your shaping efforts.  Your children’s heart determines how he will respond to your parenting.

Next we consider the way in which your child responds to the structure you provide to help shepherd his heart.
Look with me at Proverbs 9 verses seven through ten.

“He who corrects a scoffer gets dishonor for himself, And he who reproves a wicked man gets insults for himself. Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you, Reprove a wise man and he will love you. Give instruction to a wise man and he will be still wiser, Teach a righteous man and he will increase his learning. The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, And the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”

It is the fear of the LORD that determines how one responds to correction.  At heart all people are religious. We are worshipers. Romans 1 verses 18 and 19 state this;

“For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them.”

Your children either respond to God by faith or they suppress the truth in unrighteousness. Faith enables us to know God and to know and enjoy a life of love, service and worship of God.  Suppression of the truth causes one to worship the creation and not the Creator and one becomes an idolater, bowing before things which cannot satisfy. Psalm 58 verse 3 says that even from birth the wicked go astray, displaying wayward behavior and speaking lies.  Children are NOT born morally neutral.  The Bible teaches that man sins because by nature he is a sinner. The Bible teaches that something is wrong in the heart of the child that requires correction.  Notice Proverbs 22 verse 15; “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.”

What are the idols of a child? These are not statues of stone or wood, rather, they are the idols of the heart such as fear of man, evil desires, lusts, pride, conformity to the world, setting affections on the things below [earthly things].  They include any motives, desires, wants, goals, hopes and expectations that rule your child’s heart. They don’t have to be expressed outwardly to be present inwardly. However, behavior will reflect these idols at some point in the child’s life.

So parenting is NOT just providing good input such as a constructive home environment and positive interaction between the parent and child.  Part of the parent’s task is to shepherd the child as a child who is a worshiper—pointing the child to the One Who alone is worthy of worship.  Your child WILL worship; the question is Whom will he worship?

As important as providing a safe place and a stable home environment, we must address the issues of the heart. Selfishness and rebellion against authority are never outgrown because they are idolatry of the heart and not immaturity.

Next time we will consider how the parent functions as God’s agent. What is the role of discipline and correction?  

The Heart of Human Behavior

We as women bear children. Children are the gift of God.  Parents are charged to train up the child in the way the child should go.  Every parent knows that the behavior of a child soon displays unpleasant actions.  No one has to teach a child to tell a lie!

Today we will consider the behavior of a child.  Does the child display bad behavior as a result of external influences or from inside the heart of the child?  What does the Holy Bible teach?

Look with me at Proverbs 4 verse 23.  ”Watch over your heart with all diligence, For from it flow the springs of life.”  Consider also the words of Jesus found in Mark 7 verses 20 through 23.  “And He was saying, "That which proceeds out of the man, that is what defiles the man.  For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed the evil thoughts, fornications, thefts, murders, adulteries, deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness.  All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man." Also consider Luke 6 verse 45. “The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.”

  We read in James 4 verses one through three.  “What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members?  You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask.  You ask and do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, so that you may spend it on your pleasures.”

Contrary to much popular teaching, environmental factors do not produce the evil and wrong actions.  Rather, the issue is the heart from conception.  Psalm 51 verse 5 contains David’s confession of his sin. “Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, And in sin my mother conceived me.”

We will be sharing truths from the book, Shepherding A Child’s Heart, by Tedd Tripp. 

The basic issue is never simply the external behavior.  We must look at the heart issues underlying unacceptable behavior.  Parents must discipline their children by asking the questions needed to help the child identify the attitude of the heart that has resulted in the wrong behavior.

All behavior is linked to attitudes of the heart. Therefore discipline must speak to the heart attitudes.

Here is a common example of wrong behavior.  Your home has two or more children.  A fight starts over a particular toy or possession of one child.  Generally, the parent asks: Who had it first?  This question misses the heart issue.  Justice will rule in favor of who had it first.  However, at the heart level, BOTH children are displaying selfishness.  I don’t care about your happiness.  I want what I want.  I will put my happiness as more important than yours.

As parents we need to learn how to help the child to see his or her sin, to see the need of a new heart which comes only as one sees the need for a Savior.  We point the child to the cross and the gospel which is the power of salvation. 

Let’s begin to look to the Scriptures regarding these two issues that affect our children:
1. The child’s relationship to the shaping influences in his life.

2.  The child’s relationship to God.

The Garment of Praise for the Spirit of Heaviness

The Garment of Praise for the spirit of Heaviness

Welcome to Voice of Gospel Radio.  Sister Wen Wen welcomes you for a message about the home.  Today we talk about another important article of clothing for a woman of beauty.  Our text is from Isaiah chapter 61 verses 1 through 3.  This was quoted by Jesus also and is found in Luke 4, verses 16 through 21.
In another broadcast we talked about the garments of salvation and the robes of righteousness.  This clothing is necessary before a woman is clothed with the garment of praise. If you are not sure if you are wearing the robe of righteousness and the garment of salvation, please comment to sister Wen Wen or put comment on the blog.  Thank you!

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
   because the LORD has anointed me
   to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
   to proclaim freedom for the captives
   and release from darkness for the prisoners,
 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
   and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
  and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
   instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
   instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
   instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
   a planting of the LORD
   for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61:1-3 NIV

Who speaks these words? To whom? What is the message? What will be the results of this message?

Before we answer these questions, please ask yourself this question.

 

Am I known as a woman who is full of joy and who speaks words of praise?  Or am I filled with fears, complaining, hopeless despair and mostly negative comments about my circumstances or the people with whom I live? If you don’t know, ask your husband, your children or your close friend who always tells you the truth!

Now study the words of Jesus in Luke’s gospel. Luke 4:16-21 NIV.

He went to Nazareth, where he had been brought up, and on the Sabbath day he went into the synagogue, as was his custom. And he stood up to read. The scroll of the prophet Isaiah was handed to him. Unrolling it, he found the place where it is written:

 “The Spirit of the Lord is on me,

because he has anointed me

to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners

and recovery of sight for the blind,

to release the oppressed,

 to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

 Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down. The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him, and he began by saying to them, “Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.”

We see from Luke that it is Jesus who speaks these words.  Jesus is both a preacher and a physician as well as a liberator.  Jesus can give comfort.  The words are spoken for all who mourn as the children of God.  What is the message?

Beauty for ashes; the oil of joy for mourning;

the  garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.

Notice the text doesn’t say, the spirit of praise for the spirit of heaviness.

A garment is external and visible, pointing to an inward and profound change of heart, wrought by the infinite mercy of God through Jesus Christ, Who alone procured for us the previous garment of salvation and the robe of righteousness.
But notice that the promise of beauty, joy and praise is for those who mourn.  What do we mean mourn?  Mourning begins with a lamentation over past sin.  Although grace covers all of our sin, this side of heaven, we never lose the awareness of the awfulness of our evil rebellion and enmity toward a Holy, good and generous Redeemer.   The true heart also mourns over present imperfections.  Here it is very helpful to have a close friend who will help you see the ‘blind spots’ we all have in relation to our own sins and shortcomings to honor God as God.

“To mourn after more holiness is a sign of holiness, to mourn after greater conformity to the image of Christ proves that we are already in a measure conformed thereunto; to sigh after more complete subordination of our entire life to the will of God is a mourning for which Jesus Christ will bring rich comfort.” Charles Spurgeon, Sermon 1016.

The Christian mourner is saddened that he cannot be more continually in communion with God.  Have you known the oneness with the Father and the Son of which Jesus prayed in John 17? 

“I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.” John 17:23 NLT.
Do you experience true grief when you grieve the Holy Spirit and lose that sweet communion with the God Who suffered a cruel death for you that you might have restored fellowship with the One Who is Love incarnate?

Do you mourn because you cannot be more useful in the work of the Kingdom?  Have you so filled your days with frivolous activities and vain pursuits that you have no time for the closet of prayer, the study of the Word of God, the cup of cold water given in Jesus’ name?
Do you mourn most of all for the unconverted?  Do you consider the preaching of the gospel the sole responsibility of the pastor, elder or some professional clergy person?  If so, dear friend, you have an unbiblical view of the true believer in Jesus Christ.

The promise to the true mourner begins with "To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes." God appoints and He gives.  He bestows or appoints that which He best deems fitting for the occasion of our condition of heaviness of spirit.  What a loving God! His grace is able to once again tune your heart strings to play the chords of His melodious songs of joy. The beauty that replaces the ashes of grief is displayed as a visible beauty put upon those who they have found peace in Jesus Christ.  However this beauty is far lovelier and striking than mere physical beauty, because it is a beauty of the soul, an unfading loveliness; a spiritual luster, which far outshines and outlasts the comeliness of the flesh. The source of this beauty is solely the grace of God and is in no way merited by our good deeds.

Next, the oil of joy is bestowed upon the mourner.  Oil represents the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the Comforter.  As such, He takes of the things of God and reveals them unto us.  Anointing equips us to minister in the unction or power of the Holy Spirit.
The garment of praise you won’t be able to keep to yourself! Those things pertaining to your redemption from sin will be expressed in your praises.  What is the purpose of all of this work of grace?  That you might be called 

 oaks of righteousness,
   a planting of the LORD
   for the display of his splendor

Life dear reader is NOT about you.. it is about God. When others see you, do they marvel at your cheerful disposition? Do they see that even in great affliction of mind, body, or soul,  your spirit rejoices and God, your Saviour is glorified? Are these the thoughts you meditate on day and night?
Read with me these thoughts written by Charles Spurgeon in his sermon “Beauty for Ashes”
“Come, my brethren and sisters, are any of you down; are you almost beneath the enemy's foot? Here is a word for you, "Rejoice not over me, O mine enemy, though I fall yet shall I rise again." Are any of you in deep trouble—very deep trouble? Another word then for you; "When thou passeth through the waters, I will be with thee, and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee." Are you pressed with labors and afflictions? "As thy days so shall thy strength be," "All things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are the called according to his purpose." Are you persecuted? Here is a note of encouragement for you: "Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad; for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you." Whatever your circumstances are, "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say rejoice." Think what Jesus has given you, your sins are pardoned for his name sake, your heaven is made secure to you, and all that is wanted to bring you there; you have grace in your hearts, and glory awaits you; you have already grace within you, and greater grace shall be granted you; you are renewed by the Spirit of Christ in your inner man the good work is begun, and God will never leave it till he has finished it; your names are in his book, nay, graven on the palms of his hands; his love never changes, his power never diminishes, his grace never fails, his truth is firm as the hills, and his faithfulness is like the great mountains. Lean on the love of his heart, on the might of his arm, on the merit of his blood, on the power of his plea, and the indwelling of his Spirit. Take such promises as these for your consolation, "Strengthen ye the weak hands, and confirm the feeble knees. Say to them that are of a fearful heart, be strong, fear not." "Fear not, thou worm Jacob, and ye men of Israel; I will help thee, saith the Lord, and thy Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel." "For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee. In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the Lord thy Redeemer. For this is as the waters of Noah unto me: for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah should no more go over the earth; so have I sworn that I would not be wroth with thee, nor rebuke thee. For the mountains shall depart, and the hills be removed; but my kindness shall not depart from thee, neither shall the covenant of my peace be removed, saith the Lord that hath mercy on thee." "My grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness." "He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength." "The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms: and he shall thrust out the enemy from before thee; and shall say, destroy them." "I am God, I fail not, therefore ye sons of Jacob are not consumed." One might continue for ever quoting these precious passages, but may the Lord apply one or other of them to every mourner's soul; and, especially if there be a mourning sinner here, may he get a grip of that choice word, "Him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out;" or, that other grand sentence, "All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men;" or, that other, "The blood of Jesus Christ, his Son, cleanseth us from all sin:" or, that equally encouraging word, "Come now, and let us reason together; though your sins be as scarlet they shall be as wool, though they be red like crimson they shall be as snow." The Lord bring us all into comfort and joy by the way of the cross.”

Women as Worshipers: Living our True Identity

In previous posts we talked about the dress of women. We discussed Biblical modesty.  Modesty begins in the heart.  Let's continue by talking about worship.  How does our concept and practice of worship affect our behavior?  Is God more concerned about the outward behavior or the heart of a woman? Please read with me, Proverbs 4:23: Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. ESV. We learned that the natural condition of our heart is full of rebellion toward the ways of God.  The Spirit of God reveals our true condition as one of self-love, envy, bitterness, hatred, pride and anger.  When we are convicted by the power of the Holy Spirit, we know we stand guilty before a Holy God.  We discussed the garments of salvation and the robe of righteousness which we receive when we are born again of the Spirit of God.  At this time we also receive a new heart.  We receive what I like to call the "heart of Jesus".  The law of God is written on the flesh of our hearts and we are empowered to live a holy life.
Paul writes in Romans 1 verse 16: For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. ESV.
Here is the gospel.  Jesus came to earth, lived a life of perfect obedience to the will of God, died as a perfect sacrifice, once for all, so that parents and children can be forgiven, transformed into a new creation, capable of truly obeying and loving God and others. 
Romans 1 verses 18 through 25 shows that we are all worshipers. We either worship the true and living God or we exchange this true God for the gods of our own imaginations.

 For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them.  For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world, in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse.  For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened.  Claiming to be wise, they became fools,  and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man and birds and animals and creeping things.  Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves,  because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen. ESV.

Let's explore ways we can daily live the gospel and how that is related to our worship. As women we truly want to love God, to love our families, to love our neighbors, to love even our enemies. We are forgiven, so we can forgive others.  This is the gospel.

The gospel begins with the concept of Authority.  God alone is worthy of our highest affections. We belong to God by both creation and redemption. Jesus Christ is alone worthy of our complete devotion.

  

Look with me at two places in the Bible that discuss the position of women in God's creation.  Marriage, a covenant institution of God Himself, is best displayed by husband and wife in the context of the gospel. 

1 Peter chapter 3 has these thoughts:

Wives

 In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes.  

You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, 

the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. 

This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.

All Christians

Finally, all of you should be of one mind. Sympathize with each other. Love each other as brothers and sisters.  Be tenderhearted, and keep a humble attitude. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it.  For the Scriptures say,

“If you want to enjoy life

and see many happy days,

keep your tongue from speaking evil

and your lips from telling lies.

  Turn away from evil and do good.

Search for peace, and work to maintain it.

  The eyes of the Lord watch over those who do right,

and his ears are open to their prayers.

But the Lord turns his face

against those who do evil.” NLT

See how many commands you can find in this passage. What will you do to begin and continuing obeying? If you are not yet married, or are a widow, you still have those in authority over you.  If you are a mother, this is a good teaching for your relationship with your children of any age.

Since we are focused on the clothing of the woman of God, we will focus on verse four. My thanks to the insights from Strong's and Vine's reference works.

Here is what a 'quiet and gentle spirit' looks like. God's grace and peace enable us to put on the quiet and gentle spirit.  This has nothing to do with our personality.  "Gentle" means "meek".  Meekness toward God is that disposition of spirit in which we accept His dealings with us as good, and therefore without disputing or resisting. In the Old Testament, the meek are those wholly relying on God rather than their own strength to defend against injustice. Thus, meekness toward evil people means knowing God is permitting the injuries they inflict, that He is using them to purify His elect, and that He will deliver His elect in His time (Isaiah chapter 41 verse 17; Luke chapter 18 verses 1 through 8). Gentleness or meekness is the opposite to self-assertiveness and self-interest. It stems from trust in God's goodness and control over the situation. The gentle person is not occupied with self at all. This is a work of the Holy Spirit, not of the human will (Galatians chapter 5 verse 23).Quiet means "tranquillity arising from within," causing no disturbance to others.

This applies to our words as well as our countenance [facial expressions], our body language and our actions or behaviour.

Thus a woman with a quiet and gentle spirit causes no disturbances to others 

as well as she bears with tranquility the disturbances of others.

Our second passage is found in Ephesians chapter five. Again, we view the verses applicable to women.

Living in the Light

  Imitate God, therefore, in everything you do, because you are his dear children.  Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. Let there be no sexual immorality, impurity, or greed among you. Such sins have no place among God’s people.  Obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes—these are not for you. Instead, let there be thankfulness to God.  You can be sure that no immoral, impure, or greedy person will inherit the Kingdom of Christ and of God. For a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world.

  Don’t be fooled by those who try to excuse these sins, for the anger of God will fall on all who disobey him.  Don’t participate in the things these people do.  For once you were full of darkness, but now you have light from the Lord. So live as people of light!  For this light within you produces only what is good and right and true. Carefully determine what pleases the Lord. Take no part in the worthless deeds of evil and darkness; instead, expose them.  It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret.  But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them,  for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said,

“Awake, O sleeper,

rise up from the dead,

and Christ will give you light.”

Living by the Spirit’s Power

  So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise.  Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days.  Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.  Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit,  singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts.  And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Spirit-Guided Relationships: Wives and Husbands

  And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

  For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.  As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her  to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.   He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault.  In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself.  No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.  And we are members of his body.

  As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”   This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.  So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. Chapter five, verses one through thirty-three.  NLT.

  Next post we will begin with the garment of Praise and how we worship best when dressed in this beautiful garment.

Dear Father, we reverence You as the Holy God. Thank You for your grace, mercy, and forgiveness.  Thank You for the Gospel which displays Your faithfulness to us.  May we live to obey the teachings we studied today.  By Your great love, conquer all the kingdoms of our hearts until we find in You alone the satisfaction of all our our hunger and thirst in life. Amen. 

  

Love and Marriage Part 3 The First Marriage

Whose idea was marriage? Why are so many disillusioned, even angry and bitter, after only a few months of marriage?  We are looking at God's Word to find answers. 
Welcome to part 3 of Love and Marriage and Voice of Gospel Radio.  God's blessing be upon sister WenWen as she proclaims the gospel through internet radio.
Most husbands and wives believe their greatest marital struggle exists OUTSIDE of their own self.  If only my husband..or if only my wife...Complete this with your own thoughts of what needs to change in your spouse.  However, this is not the true problem.

Our greatest struggle in the marriage relationship lies in our own self!  We are sinners. 

We do and say wrong things because we live to please ourselves.  Sin in its fundamental form is anti-social.  Sin whispers in our ear that we should love ourselves more than we love anything or anyone else.  We are attracted to that beautiful woman or that handsome man because we think that this person loves us as much as we love ourselves!  We are not attracted to that man or that woman because we actually love them!  Please review Part 2 of this series about true love.  We must conclude the truth.  I am my greatest marriage problem!
Has marriage always been full of conflict and problems?   Please look with me into Genesis chapter 1 through chapter 3 to find truth. We will learn that God is the creator of marriage!  Genesis 1 tells of the creation of mankind.  Verses 27 through 29 read as follows. Then God said, "Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth." God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. God blessed them; and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over every living thing that  moves on the earth." Then God said, "Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the surface of all the earth, and every tree which has fruit yielding seed; it shall be food for you;" NASB.
This is the overview of the creation of mankind.  Next in chapter 2 we read the details of this account from chapter 1.  Notice verses 7, 8, 15 through 25. Then the LORD God formed man of dust from the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.  The LORD God planted a garden toward the east, in Eden; and there He placed the man whom He had formed. Then the LORD God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it. The LORD God commanded the man, saying, "From any tree of the garden you may eat freely;  but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not  eat, for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die."

 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him."   Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name.  The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for  Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The LORD God  fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said,

"This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh;  She shall be called  Woman, Because  she was taken out of  Man." For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." NASB.

We must understand these words to know how to have a marriage without regrets.  Notice in verse 27 and 28 of chapter 1 that mankind was created in the image of God.  God is a spirit and so we cannot see Him.  He is self existent which means God has no creator.  God exists outside of time and is all knowing of what we call the past, present and future.  The image of God means that mankind was made to know God in an intimate way, to have the ability to communicate with God and to enjoy this relationship.  Mankind shares some of the attributes of God.  For example man is able to love.  Animals cannot love as a man can. Man can show patience and express joy and give to another without thought of any personal benefit.  Man can demonstrate compassion and show mercy to an enemy. Both the male and female are made in the image of God.  The woman is not made lower than the man. Both are given their life work. This is to exercise dominion or rule over all the rest of the created earth.  Mankind is to steward or be God's representative rule over the world that God created.  Man will be held accountable or responsible for how well he does this work. Mankind is also told to be fruitful in their rule.  They are to produce children and fill the world.  God did not create multiple mankind.  From only two, the first man and the first woman, all the peoples of the world are descended. I don't look Chinese, however, I am sister to the Chinese!

In chapter two we read of how exactly God made the male part of mankind.  God did not speak the man into existence.  No, God formed from the dust of the ground.  God fashioned with great care and expertise the human body.  Then God breathed into the nostrils of man the breath of life.  Man became a living soul.  Man has three parts, the physical body, the soul which is the mind, will and emotions and the spirit, which is the part that is in the image of God.  The soul expresses the life of the spirit.  The body allows us to move about and interact with our environment, to reproduce after our kind and to enjoy with the physical senses the beauty and majesty of the creation of God.  Our physical bodies also allow us to express our joy and love and gratitude and praises to our Creator God. God took the male body He made and put him into a garden to work the garden.  One simple rule was given the man.  Man was not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil or he would die.  We will study this in another lesson.  So the man was given his work of naming the animals.  To name someone is to have authority and rule over that which is named.  Why was the woman or female made? God said it is not good for the man to be alone.  God would make a helper suitable for the male.  Now many do not understand this.  God did not make a slave or servant for the male. Remember, chapter one says that both male and female are in the image of God and both were given dominion over all the earth.  Notice also that the female was not made from dust. She was taken from the body of the male, from his rib.  God then fashioned the body of the female from this rib of the male.  Also, God brought the female to the male.  Adam recognized that the female was from his own body. The woman was not taken from the feet of the man. She was from the part of his body nearest his heart.  The woman was not to be as a slave or to be beaten and kicked around in anger.  The woman was to complement the man.  The man was not complete without the woman. 

Now we read of the first marriage and how all other marriages must function to make for a harmonious life.  Chapter 2 verse 24 states that For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.  At first this seems strange.  The first man, who is named Adam, has no mother or father! God created Adam.  However, God is here establishing the way the families of the earth are to form new families.  Let's look at the two words, "leave" and "cleave".  A young man who decides to marry must also purpose to form a relationship with his wife that honors his wife. What do I mean? Simply this.. to cleave to the woman, to become one flesh is much more than sexual union.  A young man's parents are still to be available for counsel, but the man must share the intimate things of his heart life with his wife..no longer with his mother or father.  Yes in a happy marriage, some things will be shared only between the husband and wife.  The wife is not the servant of her mother in law or her father in law.  Remember, to leave.. this is to start a new home.  The wife and the husband will have the responsibility to train their own children. This is not the job of the grandparents.  Adult children still honor and respect the elderly parents; however,  the son must tell his parents that his wife is the Queen of the home and there is only one Queen.  The grandchildren are not to be pampered and spoiled as young Emperors or Empresses. Certainly grandparents play an essential part of the family. We will talk of this in another lesson.

The first marriage was perfect. Adam and his wife knew no shame.  What happened? Next post, we will talk about how sin entered the world. 

Love and Marriage Part 2 Love

We continue to give thanks to Voice of Gospel Radio and sister WenWen.  Of course all glory to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Who is Love incarnate. 
What is love? If you are a woman, perhaps you have dreams of a man who will be that final piece in the puzzle completing your idea of a husband who will help you reach your goals for life.  Is this love? Perhaps only 'love of self'.  Contrary to popular opinion, love is NOT an emotion or feeling. The Bible defines love by an event.

Love is defined by the cross of Jesus Christ.  Love involves a willing self sacrifice for the benefit of another.  True love also doesn't demand reciprocation or that the person being loved is worthy of the sacrifice.

Romans 5:8 states,  But God showed how much he loved us by having Christ die for us, even though we were sinful. CEV.   The Message says it this way, verses 5-8. "Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn't, and doesn't, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn't been so weak, we wouldn't have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him."
Just as Christ Jesus offered Himself in sacrificial love, so we must in the marriage give love to the spouse who is totally undeserving of our love and unable to give love in return.
Love is a command.  In John 15, verses 12-13, Jesus explains the kind of love He expects of His followers. "This is my commandment: Love each other in the same way I have loved you.  There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." NLT.
In Matthew's gospel, Jesus further explains the limits of love this way; 'You have heard people say, "Love your neighbors and hate your enemies." But I tell you to love your enemies and pray for anyone who mistreats you. Then you will be acting like your Father in heaven. He makes the sun rise on both good and bad people. And he sends rain for the ones who do right and for the ones who do wrong. If you love only those people who love you, will God reward you for that? Even tax collectors love their friends.' Matthew 5:43-46 CEV.
1 Corinthians 13 is known as the 'love chapter' in the Word of God.  Let's see why this is true.  Evaluate YOUR love by the Word of God, ok?
"If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would only be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I had the gift of prophecy, and if I understood all of God’s secret plans and possessed all knowledge, and if I had such faith that I could move mountains, but didn’t love others, I would be nothing.  If I gave everything I have to the poor and even sacrificed my body, I could boast about it; but if I didn’t love others, I would have gained nothing.
  Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.  It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.  Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love never fails.
Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love." Verses 1-8a, 13
NLT.

What does this look like? Ladies, this means that when you forgive your husband for a wrong, you never bring this up again because love keeps no record of being wronged. Verse 5 means love is not touchy, or fretful or resentful.  Verse 7 is sometimes translated that love is always supportive and believes the best about someone.  Love covers. 


If you have trouble loving your spouse, spend some time meditating on this passage of Scripture.  Why did God show mercy and grace to you? Because you were lovely and deserved it?
"Once you were dead because of your disobedience and your many sins.  You used to live in sin, just like the rest of the world, obeying the devil—the commander of the powers in the unseen world. He is the spirit at work in the hearts of those who refuse to obey God.  All of us used to live that way, following the passionate desires and inclinations of our sinful nature. By our very nature we were subject to God’s anger, just like everyone else.  But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much,  that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!)" Ephesians 2, verses 1-5, NLT.

God gives grace and mercy. Go and do likewise.

Next time we will talk about Marriage and What is Sin? and What is Biblical forgiveness? We welcome your comments and questions.

Love and Marriage Part 1 Worship

Welcome to Voice of Gospel Radio and sister WenWen's messages for both home and community life. Today we speak about the topic, Love and Marriage.  We wish to use thoughts from author/teacher Paul David Tripp.  If you have access to youtube, many of his messages are available in this format. 
Many of our listeners see marriages that are not happy marriages.  Perhaps you are in a very unhappy marriage.  These messages are for you!  Let's consider this thought by Paul Tripp. He says that a marriage displaying unity, understanding and love isn't rooted or centered in romance. Rather it is centered in WORSHIP.  Yes, worship.  Do we mean the time a person spends in a building where the Bible is read, songs sung, an offering of money or goods given for the use of the Kingdom of God?  No. We mean more than this. We are all worshipers.  Worship is that to which a person attaches the innermost sense of well-being.  This may include our understanding of "god".  However, this might be another person, our self, or things of material nature.  Worship is what gives a person meaning and purpose in all of our decisions, dreams, actions, and reactions. So worship is first our identity.  Next worship is our activity.
Jesus speaks of "treasure".  We all seek after treasure.  Treasure is what is intrinsically valuable to me. Most people put forth great effort to obtain what is valuable to them.  The type of treasure you seek in your marriage will produce the character your will experience in your marriage.  What controls my heart determines how I respond to others around me.
Jesus said in Matthew 6, verses 19-21, “Don’t store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal.  Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.  Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be." NLT.
Before we can understand that a Biblical marriage must be rooted in worship, not romance, we must understand the meaning of "love" as used in the Bible. 
Please join me in the next Voice of Gospel Radio to learn about What is Love? and how does 'love' relate to Marriage!